This Period Of The Year

The time has come again to do police and thief, and i will be missing training and alot of things. I just feel very disheartened, and i am just very tired, of having to manage these two things. I know it's going to be very difficult to make team this year, but it is just hard to see you friends play for the school without you, you just feel left out. I don't like it at all, i know it, i expereience it in sec 1. I don't know if i should even believe i can make it, or should i just stop dreaming. I can't even choose to even believe in myself to do such things, its hard, i am not the guy with the highest self esteem, maybe i look like one but im not. I dont look up to myself, i dont think im at all great. And sometimes i just wonder when i will ever be satisfied with myself, and the only time i was, was making the team in sec 2, but now i just feel so empty having no belief that i cna make it in sec 3. So i really don't know what to believe for.